Pure and Simple
by goingmywaydoll
Summary: A collection of Dair oneshots, drabbles, and poems. Because we all need a little more Dair in our life.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Blair Waldorf did not love Dan Humphrey. Under any circumstances. In fact, you could even say she hated him.  
PoV: Blair-centric  
Pairing/s: Dair, of course!  
Timeline: During season 5, when they're denying their feelings. Possibly season 4 if you want to be generous about Blair's feelings at that point.  
Warnings: none!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. If I did, Chuck would have died in the crash and Dan and Blair would have gotten married ages ago.  
A/N: First Gossip Girl fic, yay! I hope you enjoy!.

* * *

Blair Waldorf did not love Dan Humphrey. Under any circumstances. In fact, you could even say she hated him.

She hated his stupid haircut. Or lack thereof. When it fell across his forehead greasily. How he stubbornly refused to cut it. How he refused to conform to Manhattan hair ideals and stylists. How it would cover his furrowed eyebrows as he bent over his computer, probably writing some scathing account of her world. She especially hated it when he he shook his head laughingly at her. The way it was so frustratingly curly like you could bury your hands in it.

She hated his brown eyes. How they softened when they looked at her. The way they crinkled obnoxiously (giving him wrinkles for later, no doubt) when he laughed. How they would stare at her judgmentally when she schemed and plotted. When he rolled them when she taunted him. She hated when they widened in surprise when she walked through the door of the loft. She hated the warm chocolate brown you could drown in.

She hated his cocky smile. When he smirked when he made her blush. How he smiled when he watched her watch _Breakfast at Tiffany's. _She hated how he would grin when she made a mistake. When she proved to him she wasn't perfect. She hated how he would smile when she came to him for help. She hated how his self-righteous, smug look when he was right and she was wrong. She hated how he smiled when she was angry at him, infuriating her more. She hated how he smiled at Serena.

But most of all, she hated the way he made her feel. She hated the way she would shiver when he touched her. She hated the way he would make her feel like everything was going to be okay. That he was there for her. She hated the way he smiled when she was happy. She hated how he could always make her laugh. She hated how he would do anything to make her happy. She hated the way he made her feel like a princess.

So, yes, it was safe to say Blair Waldorf hated Dan Humphrey. But it was also safe to say she was irrevocably, annoyingly, blissfully in love with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Well, well, well. Who knew the engagement between Lonely Boy and Queen B would last until the party?  
PoV: 3rd person  
Pairing/s: Dair  
Timeline: AU (unfortunately) after season 5. About three years later.  
Warnings: None!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl  
A/N: Enjoy!

* * *

_May 11, 2012, 6:13.31pm_

_Well, well, well. Who knew the engagement between Lonely Boy and Queen B would last until the party? Lo and behold, the surprising three year relationship between Brooklyn and the Upper East Side is tying the knot in three months. So, let's gather together and celebrate the power of love. I'll try not to drop any bombs tonight but I can't make any promises,_

_XOXO_

_Gossip Girl_

* * *

"Of course Gossip Girl is already on it! Can't I have a private life?" Blair said as she ran around her walk-in closet looking for her dress.

"Blair, half of Manhattan is coming to our party. It isn't exactly a secret," Dan sighed.

"What are you doing?" she snapped when she noticed he was lying on their bed, reading the New Yorker.

"Reading," he replied.

"Why aren't you getting ready?" she practically yelled.

"Because, unless you haven't noticed, I am not a girl. My suit is right there and I'll change in half an hour." He shrugged.

"I am well aware of the fact that you are not a girl. And the party is in 45 minutes!" she said as she slipped her bra on.

"It takes me two seconds to run a comb through my hair and a minute to get my suit on. I'll be fine," he reassured.

"If you are not dressed and presentable when the first guest arrives, I will think twice about marrying you and reconsider killing you!" said Blair

"Reconsider?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Deal with it, Humphrey, for the first three years we knew each other, I thought about throwing you off the Empire State Building. But that's changed now."

"It better have." He walked towards her into the closet and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. She immediately removed his arms, kissed him quickly and walked farther into the closet.

"Now, shut up, I need to think!"

"Shutting up."

"I said shut up!"

"I am!"

"No, you're not!" she yelled. Dan groaned loudly and plopped himself back on the bed. "Get your suit on!"

"I'm leaving now!"

"Good. You're distracting me!"

"From what? You decided what you were going to wear to all of our events the second after I proposed."

"I changed my mind."

"You have back-up dresses, Blair."

"I changed my mind on those too?"

"Seriously?"

"I thought I told you to leave!" Blair said, peeking her head out of the closet. Dan rolled his eyes again and left the room.

"How is she?" Eleanor asked after Dan shut the door.

"Well, you know, just being Blair." Eleanor nodded knowingly.

"Why aren't you in your suit?"

"What is it with Waldorf women that make you get dressed so early?"

"I did raise her."

"True. Well, I should take Blair's screaming to heart and go get changed. See you at the party."

"Good advice to follow. Oh and Dan?" Eleanor said and he turned to face her. "If you're going to marry Blair, you might find it prudent to follow her fashion advice."

"Noted." He nodded and walked back into Blair's room to get his suit. He heard Blair blowdrying her hair and smiled at her softly singing voice. He grabbed his suit off its hanger and made his way to the guest room to get ready.

* * *

_May 11, 2012, 7:08.58pm_

_New York's highest and classiest have all arrived and the party is well underway. I've got my sources galore and let's just hope Lonely Boy will become not so lonely in three more months and Queen B will become Queen Humphrey,_

_XOXO_

_Gossip Girl_

* * *

"It's going well, right? It's going well," Blair asked worriedly.

"Blair, it's going wonderfully," Dan replied and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Dan! You're from Brooklyn. I hate to say it, but my taste is different than yours. I can't trust you on this!" she said.

"Relax, everything is amazing, honey."

"Honey? You never call me honey."

"I thought it would help?"

"Well, it isn't," she snapped. Dan sighed loudly and Blair opened her mouth to bite back but was interrupted by Penelope and her other minions walking up.

"Dan. Blair. Lovely party. Of course, I never thought it would get to this point but..." Penelope said rudely.

"Penelope, hello. I see you're wearing last year's Dior. Lovely as well but it does make your arms look rather large," Blair retorted.

"Blair," Dan warned.

"She started it."

"Really?" he said and raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, that was rude. But it's true. Your 'friends' didn't mention it, so I took it upon myself." Blair smiled sweetly. Penelope rolled her eyes and stalked off.

"Is everyone out to get me tonight?"

"You are way overreacting," Dan told her. "The party is beautiful, you look beautiful and I love you. Try to enjoy it. We are celebrating our relationship after all."

"I know, I know. But I can't help but be wary. After all the Gossip Girl blasts over the years, I can't risk getting complacent."

"I understand but try to forget about her tonight, alright?" He kissed her softly on the lips and she melted into his arms.

"Thank you," she said when they pulled away. "You can always make me feel- What is Chuck doing here?"

"Wait, what?" Dan turned around quickly and sure enough saw Chuck exit the elevator.

"I did not invite him! I knew this would happen. I told you something would go wrong." Blair was back to her stressed ways and she strode across the room to intercept her ex.

"Blair, wait, think this- Ugh," he tried to get out. He followed her across the room to Chuck.

"Blair, you look stunning. Humphrey, you should think about shaving," Chuck said to the couple.

"What are you doing here, Chuck?" Blair asked, ignoring the compliment and dig at Dan.

"I hope my invitation was lost in the mail but I came anyway," he replied.

"It wasn't," Dan said to him. "Neither me nor Blair wants you here. No exes allow, Blair and I decided."

"Serena is here," he shot back.

"Yes, but Serena is my _friend_. You, however, are friends with neither of us. Serena and Dan parted semi-peacefully whereas you and I have never parted as friends. Ever. We don't work as friends and we don't work in a relationship. Now leave my _engagement_ party. Now, preferably."

"How will it look when you kick your ex-lover out of your apartment during your engagement party?"

"Normal. Most people don't stay in contact with their exes like this," she replied.

"Fine, I'll leave. Humphrey, Blair." He nodded a goodbye and made his way to the elevator.

"That was easier than I thought it would be," Dan said.

"Yeah, too easy," Blair agreed.

"Maybe we should just enjoy that everything is going well?"

"I'm not so convinced. No blasts from Gossip Girl, Serena is behaving herself, Chuck left quietly, my mother isn't glaring at Roman _too_ much and Georgina hasn't showed up. Yet."

"I haven't done anything deserving of a blast, so I think we're good there. You?"

"Please, Dan. What do you take me for, an idiot?"

"You are anything but an idiot, Blair Waldorf."

"You should get used to calling me Blair Waldorf-Humphrey," she replied, grinning.

"Waldorf-Humphrey?"

"Please, I'm not giving up my name," she scoffed. Dan looked around briefly and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"You know, I don't think it would be that hard to sneak off..." he said suggestively.

"Dan," Blair hissed, lightly slapping his chest. "Don't be such a neanderthal!"

"I don't think we'd be missed..." he said and Blair rolled her eyes but looked around furtively. Smirking, she grabbed Dan's tie and dragged him into the kitchen.

"Thank you, Ana, you can go hand out champagne," Blair said sharply to the cater waiter in the kitchen. She nodded and quickly left the room.

"I love it when you're authoritative."

"You haven't seen anything yet," she said and crashed her lips to his. His hands immediately went to her hips and she knotted her hands in his hair. Blair let out a small moan when Dan coaxed his tongue into her mouth and he smirked against her lips. "Don't get so smug," she said, pulling away. He rolled his eyes and reclaimed her lips. He lifted her against the counter and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling on his hair. Her complicated bun quickly became loose as he began to lift her dress up. She pulled off his blazer and threw it somewhere around the kitchen, not caring where it landed. His lips moved to her neck and she arched her back against him, letting out another moan. She began to work on his tie when the door slammed open.

"Blair, where- Oh my god!" Serena immediately shielded her eyes and Blair quickly hopped off the counter. Dan and her attempted to fix their disheveled hair to no avail. "Seriously, at your own party?"

Dan shrugged, embarrassed. Although Serena had gotten used to their relationship, she still found it awkward when she walked in on them. Blair tried to attempted an aloof, unaffected expression but failed miserably.

"Well, the toast are starting soon so when I see you guys walk out that door, you better be presentable," Serena said. They nodded like they were back in high school and were caught in an abandoned classroom. Serena shook her head as if to get the image out of her mind, since it had been her and Dan who were caught in empty classrooms back at Constance. Blair tried to smiled and Serena just rolled her eyes. "Five minutes, okay?"

* * *

_May 11, 2012, 8:03.51pm_

_The toasts have begun and S sure does have practice with maid of honor toasts. Let's hope no one drops any bombs. I'll certainly _try _not too. Again, no promises,_

_XOXO_

_Gossip Girl_

* * *

"Blair, you've been my best friend since birth. I love you so much it's crazy and I am so happy you are finally getting all you wanted out of life. Granted, I thought I might have the Humphrey name." A few laughs rippled through the crowd. "But now I know it's you who's meant to be with Dan and he with you. When I first saw you guys kiss, I thought it was some kind of scheme. Which it was. But the second time, I got worried. Could my best friend be falling for my ex? Of course, I wasn't one to stop you. I was hurt and betrayed at first but then I saw you go out of your way to prove to me you didn't have feelings for 'Humphrey.' How wrong you were, B. I saw you didn't want to hurt me and I saw that you and Dan did have true feelings. When you started dating, I felt awkward. I lived with you. Needless to say, we've had a lot of awkward walk-ins." More laughs. "Anyways, I saw how elated you were to visit the Met, discuss movie, recommend books and just be with each other. I never thought it would last, honestly. I thought you would break his heart or he'd break yours. But can I just say how happy I am that I was wrong. To Dan and Blair!"

"Dan and Blair." The rest of the room raised their glasses and Blair went up to hug Serena.

"Thank you, S," she said. "It was perfect. I could do without the awkward ex mentions and the walk-ins but thank you."

"Was that a bad touch? I thought it would be better than just ignoring it," Serena asked.

"No, no, it was... fine. Really," Blair said, attempting a smiled.

"Thanks, B. I'm really happy you liked it." Serena gave Blair another hug and watched amusedly as Dan and Blair shared a look. "I'll try to usher everyone out. I think it's time for the party to wrap up."

"I completely agree!" Blair said eagerly.

"Totally. Because you know, I think we're both tired with all the wedding planning and stuff..." Dan added. Serena raised an eyebrow.

"I get it, you guys want to be alone."

"What? No!" they said in unison. Serena winked and began to guide people to the elevator.

"It was a lovely party, Blair," a guest said as she put on her coat.

"Thank you, Mrs. Guilder," Blair said. "It was so lovely to see you."

"Goodnight, darling. We'll see you tomorrow for the cake tasting?" Eleanor said, kissing her daughter.

"Yes, of course. Goodnight, Mother," she replied.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world!" Dan said, bringing them to the door. "Goodnight!"

The moment the elevator door closed, Dan turned and pressed his lips to hers.

"Finally," Blair said, responding to the kiss eagerly.

"Oh, Miss Blair-" Dorota had chosen that moment to walk in and they sprung apart. "Oh, dear! I'll ask you later, yes?"

Blair plastered a smile on her face and said, "Dan and I are going to bed. 9:30am wake up call? I don't want to miss the flower selection."

"Yes, Miss Blair." Dorota retreated to the kitchen and Dan grabbed Blair's hand, pulling her up the stairs.

"My, my, someone's eager tonight," Blair teased once Dan closed the door.

"After seeing Chuck glower at me and several run-ins, I want you all to myself."

"There's actually something I need to tell you," she said uncomfortably. "It's pretty late and-"

"Oh thank god, I'm exhausted! Movie night?"

"I love you," Blair said, sighing in relief.

"I thought you wantedto do something."

"I though you wanted to!"

"I'm thinking _Rear Window_ tonight?"

"Really? If we're doing Hitchcock, can we at least do _The Man Who Knew Too Much_?"

"Compromise? _North By Northwest."_

"Agreed," she replied, smiling. "I'll get the DVD, you get the tea and popcorn."

"Done!" And in fifteen minuted they were curled up in bed with tea and snacks and a movie.

"This is exactly what I needed," Blair sighed as she rested her head against Dan's shoulder.

"Me too," he agreed. "I think that went pretty well."

"I could do without Serena's walk-in."

"And Chuck's surprising appearance."

"And Cyrus' wedding night talk."

"And Nate's innuendos."

"And my mother's micromanaging."

"No Gossip Girl though."

"Or appearances from Georgina."

"I'd call that a success," Dan said, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth.

"Me too," she said and took a sip of her earl grey. "Mmm, just the right amount of milk and sugar."

"I know you well."

"Too well," she said, grinning and leaned up to kiss him briefly. They settled into bed and resumed watching the movie. Not two minutes later, Blair and Dan's phone rung with a notification. They exchanged a worried look, paused the movie and looked warily at their phones.

* * *

_May 11, 2012, 9:46.07pm_

_You're lucky this time around, Humphrey and Waldorf. I'll let you escape the party scot-free. For now. But don't think I'll let the rest of your relationship proceed without a couple bumps. Hope you can withstand them,_

_XOXO_

_Gossip Girl_


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: There are many things Dan Humphrey hates about Blair Waldorf  
PoV: Dan-centric  
Pairing/s: Dan/Blair  
Timeline: Post-5x23  
Warnings: None but I assume that Dan is not Gossip Girl. (See profile for certain canon issues)  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. You guys know if I did the hilarity of a train wreck that was the series finale didn't happen.  
A/N: I know, it's been a bit. But I've had midterms to deal with. But now it's vacation and I have an update. It's a companion to the first chapter kind of.

* * *

There are many things Dan Humphrey hates about Blair Waldorf.

He hates how her nose wrinkles whenever she sees him. He hates her painfully colorful style. He hates her brown locks that never seem to be out of place. He hates her legs that seem short at first when in reality are probably the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He hates her long lashes that wet when she's trying not to cry. He hates her deep brown eyes that plead whenever she wants to watch _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ again.

He hates her ridiculously good taste in art and film. How they always seem to go to the same movie or same exhibit. He hates her ability to sit in front of a painting for hours quietly. He hates the way she laughs loudly and unashamedly at _Life of Brian_. He hates the way she is always aware of every single show at the Met and MoMA and everywhere else in Manhattan. He hates her face when he expects her to take the subway (It's really not that bad, she's just dramatic). He hates how they actually like all the same things.

He hates the way his heart swoops uncontrollably whenever she walks in the room (especially when she walks down a staircase, dolled up for a party). He hates the twinkle in her eyes when she teases him. He hates that she feels the need to call him before coming to the loft and knock even though she has a key. He hates that she cares what everyone thinks of her and him and them. He hates that Serena is still a problem between them (despite him being over her for decades). He hates it when she cries, he hates it when she smiles an empty smile without meaning it, he hates it when she tries to change herself (she's perfect to him and she should never change).

But the thing Dan Humphrey hates most about Blair Waldorf are her decisions. He hates that she chose _Chuck Bass_ over him. Chuck "Sell-you-for-a-hotel" Bass. He hates that they could of been happy. He hates that they could have taken the Upper East Side and Brooklyn by storm with their Princess and the Pauper-esque romance. And if he was being completely honest, the thing Dan hates the most is not Blair or Chuck, but himself. For thinking she could have loved him enough to fully let go of Chuck and be happy. For having a flicker of hope the moment they watched _Nanette_ at the Film Forum. And for falling head over heels, ass-backwards, irretrievably and annoyingly in love with Blair Waldorf.


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: after a month, her simple white porcelain mug makes a home next to his mets one.  
PoV: Dan centric  
Pairing: Dan/Blair  
Timeline: Sometime while they were dating in season five.  
A/N: Not sure what this is really.

* * *

it's kind of like. coffee filled mornings where blair slips onto the counter in his kitchen, wearing nothing but his shirt. the shirt is rumpled from it's night on the floor and fits deliciously over blair's petite frame. its endlessly corny and his whole world narrows down to this one tiny sight alone in the vast universe. her face is absent of makeup and her eyes droop slightly, still tired. her hair is put into a messy bun because she doesn't like to have it messy when it's down. she always has to be perfect and dan wants to tell her she already is.

she peers over the coffee mug she brought from her penthouse because "brooklyn could not be cleaned enough for me to ever want to drink from a cup from its cabinets."

but after a month, her simple white porcelain mug makes a home next to his mets one. dan's coffee often runs cold because he spends too much time staring at the beautiful woman that has become such a stable part of his life and oh. her eyes are really brown.

blair will smirk and tell him to close his mouth because he'll catch flies and she's not that much to look at. dan will put his mug down and walk over to her, kissing her softly. and telling her she's beautiful, she's magnificent, she's stunning, she's spectacular. she'll say that she's no serena. and dan will scoff, kissing her once more, twice more, and keeps going, taking his lips from hers only to tell her that she's brilliant and he's so fucking grateful she's not serena and who would ever want serena van der woodsen if they could have blair waldorf. blair doesn't really reply to that but her misty eyes give her away. for all blair waldorf is, she is modest in a way you wouldn't expect. and dan loves it. as he loves everything about her.

dan wonders if this is a bad thing. this dependence he holds towards her. this brightness he sees when he looks at her. but then there's mornings like the ones they have. where their toes curl onto the cold tile of the kitchen and flit around each other while making their coffee. where dan proves to himself that loving blair is the best thing that has ever happened to him. and where he is certain is is not a bad thing.


End file.
